I have always been a workaholic, just like my dad. I guess this was my way of making up for not being a domestic diva like my mom. I had tried my best to be a good student while I was still in school but I never excelled in class as much as I do now that I am working. Don’t ask me why. All I knew was that when I was still in school, I always dreamed of graduating and getting a decent job so that I can get out of my parent’s house and take care of myself. And though I never gave my parents any problem with my education, I never took pride in my school work as much as I take pride in the job that I am doing now.
To prove my point, here are some of the things I did for the love of my job:
1. Stayed at the office for 12-15 hours even when I was pregnant.
2. Do work that may or may not be related to my full-time job even when I get home.
3. Take on 2-3 different roles at the same time.
4. Gobble my lunch in 10 minutes at my work station.
4. Work at home during weekends.
5. Work during vacations.
6. Cried because there are just some things that I could not control.
6. Quoted a project on my hospital bed less than 24 hours after my C-section operation (true and funny story).
Many people would think that I’m burned out by now. True, at some point I got tired, we all do. But not burned out. You see, these are stuff that I volunteered for. Or something they asked if I could do it and I said yes. I’m a challenge taker like that. And the best thing about my job is that when I got pregnant they made some special arrangements for me, like got me a laptop and internet connection so that I could work from home if I get too tired to come in. It’s really not like I would be doing something else aside from watch TV and sleep, I was all alone during those times. So I chose to work.
Since having the baby, I still bring home some work. But I only do it after she falls asleep. I make it a point that I spend quality time with her when we are together. I feel awful that she has to be left with the nanny for most of the day. And I feel awful that I can’t see every little thing she does. And that she’s growing up so quick. And I fear that one day I’ll wake up and she’ll be off to college and I have completely missed out on all the milestones that came before that. Damn it!
I’m paying a huge price for being a working mom. But it’s a price I’m willing to pay to be able to provide for the needs of myself and my baby. I think the best thing about this whole working issue is that I actually love my job. I love being productive. Our CEO called me ambitious. He said he thought I’d slow down a bit after having the baby, but he could see that my drive had just gotten stronger. I didn’t tell him that having two extra mouths (baby’s and nanny’s) to feed is enough motivation. Our CEO is American and I took that as a compliment which was how he had intended. When you are Filipino, that is not often the case, a topic worthy of another blog entry.