My mom is battling cancer.

Having said that does not make the fact easier. It is not something I imagined would happen to me or my family. It’s something that happens to other people. My mom’s case has even challenge everything that I know and read about the probable cause of said disease. My mother is the poster girl of healthy living. She does not drink, has never smoked a cigarette her whole life, does not like candies or sweets, does not like Coke and other sodas, does not even like burgers or meat. She likes fish and vegetables, lots of vegetables. As a matter of fact, if it had happened to me or to my dad, it would have been easier to accept. Of course, I would not want that but if there was ever a healthy meter, my dad and I would have been at the extreme unhealthy end, while my mom would have been at the extreme opposite.

I think I am still in the denial stage. I had to muster up all of my strength not to challenge the doctors into redoing all of her tests as I am pretty sure it will yield a different result. People tell me to be strong. I do not know how to be strong when the strongest person I know is merely skin and bones, lying in a hospital bed connected to an IV with food and water, fighting for her life. How can I be strong? Can I buy strength? Is it transferable? I don’t even have it in me to fake strength.

I don’t like dissecting negative feelings. I’d much rather have them dissect my uterus, at least it was life that came out.

And forget what you know about cancer. You cannot avoid it. Cancer chooses you to suffer him and your whole family with you. That’s all there is to it. There is no escape. Just one big nightmare. Even if you manage to wake up, you can’t survive unscathed.